Evolution of a Lover

Dr. Charley Ferrer

Charles Darwin spoke of the evolution of men…it’s time we took it one step further to discuss the Evolution of a Lover!

We all start somewhere. All falter at one point or another in our relationships. All wonder what we could do to become the ultimate lover that the one we adore will never stray, never look elsewhere, will turn to us forever. All lament on what we would do different if we merely had another chance to prove our love when the love affair is over.

A Lover isn’t created after the fact but during the act.

It’s learning these ten simple steps which will make you the kind of lover your partner will do anything to hold onto. Like with everything else in life, practice makes perfect.

90-day Rule -- Everything in life is a goal we wish to achieve. Relationships are no different. Setting a timeline for a relationship allows you to ensure it’s moving in the right direction. The 90-day Rule works like this: you promise yourself that you will give this relationship your all. You will allow yourself to be vulnerable, open-minded, accepting of those things which you can be, adventurous, and loving. At the end of 90 days, you will have one of three choices: (1) Stay with him because it’s working, (2) Enter counseling or find some way of improving the relationship, or (3) Say good-bye. If you decide to stay with him, your 90-day clock starts again. The 90-day Rule avoids the complacency many couples fall into where six months, five years, even twenty years down the road they’re still arguing over the same issues and wonder why they’re still together. Also for those on-again/off-again relationships, this avoids the “if only I’d been more….or done...or given more, we’d still be together. Do it now, and if it doesn’t work, you know you’ve given it your all.

Mentor your lover: Teach him what you like. Lead by example. If you can’t verbalize what you want, guide his hand, his mouth, his sex to where you need it most. Answer him honestly when he asks if you like it. Never fake an orgasm! Doing so denies him the ability to become the kind of lover you need and the lover he wants to be for you. Teach him that love is about being vulnerable and adventurous. Become the Sensual Scientist exploring his body. Do your lips really feel the same when they nibble his as they do when you nibble his chest? Does a stroke along his chest feel the same as when you stroke other areas of his body? Have him tell you…let him whisper in your ear or shout it out begging for more. Allow yourself to become the Sensual Scientist you’ve always dreamt of being but feared becoming.

Communication – it’s not just telling him what upsets you and how he can avoid pitfalls, it’s telling him how you feel about him. It’s emphazing what works and finding solutions for what doesn’t. It’s swallowing your fear and being vulnerable. Opening yourself to possible rejection. It’s sharing your desires, your sexual kinks, and opening the door for him to share his. You don’t need to accept everything. However, consider how you can tweak those desires that mean the most to both of you to allow them to fit within your comfort zone or his and then explore. You never know, it might turn out to be the most erotic experience of your life or an activity which fills a void you didn’t know excited. Make it a habit to talk about your desires, needs, and yourself as an individual once a week; perhaps combining a walk along the shore or a romantic dinner. Afterall, you’re not the same person you were last week, or last year. You change with each new experience in your life, share the new you with your lover.

Spontaneity – there’s a misconception that if you tell your lover what you want he’ll never be spontaneous. The truth is, if you share what you desire with your lover, he’ll make it come true. Just because you say you want him to grab you, pin you to the wall, and make rough passionate love to you like a Viking Pirate doesn’t mean you’ll know exactly what he’ll do, when, nor how, merely that you’ll know part of the scenario. It’s just like reading the critics comment of a movie, just because you know what it’s about, doesn’t mean you know about all those wonder action scenes or the way your heart will skip a beat in excitement. Share your script with your lover and create your own motion picture.

Dress up – yes, it is dressing how he’d like…though I never said you had to go outside! We all have our own fetish. We all have the image of what turns us on and how we’d like our lover to look. Share with him his desires that he may share yours. So what if he wants you to dress like a sleezy slut or a catholic school cutie; let him play the seductive stranger or the naughty next door neighbor; after all, you’re the one that will reap the benefits of his lusty fantasies. Who knows, you might even like it. Besides, it’ll become your naughty little secret and those are always so much fun. Soon it’ll be your turn to have him dress for you.

Beauty & Health -- we all want the perfect body, though realistically we merely need to accept the ones we have to be truly happy. The major advantage of being in shape isn’t that you look great, but that you’re able to get into all those positions you wanted to try. So you don’t have to limit your lovemaking to only the bed or sofa or floor. Being in shape gives you the stamina that you need to have marathon love sessions in the shower, or having the ability to wrap your legs around him while he presses you into the wall, or thrusting into him over and over until you loss touch with reality and float on the clouds experiencing your orgasm. Though sexual health isn’t only about your body being tone but your vulva as well. Learn to tone all your body including your vagina to allow you to experience better and longer orgasms. My toning your pubococcyxogeal muscle, you’ll be able to increase your orgasmic pleasure and his as well. Simply tighten the muscles in your vagina for a count of four then release for a count of four. Perform eight repetitions three times. Get in the habit of doing three sets of eight, three times a day, and you’ll soon be souring in the clouds every time you make love.

Be Adventurous -- the old dictates of being a good-girl are over. You’re a woman now! The only limits you have are the ones you place on yourself. You can make love as often as you wish, have a one-night stand, explore new positions, go to kinky clubs, and if you’re daring and adventurous enough, even try two lovers at once. The only one stopping you is you and your own “Thought Police” as Orson Wells put it. Isn’t it about time they had the night off? Perhaps a few months vacation? And if you find you don’t like something, fine, cross it off your list and move on. It’s better to sit in your rocking chair laughing about the “wild things” you did than lamenting over the adventures you were too scared to enjoy.

Sexual Positions -- realistically 90% of us cannot get into the majority of the sexual positions we see in the sex manuals and various books on the market. This reality often makes you feel inferior or inadequate. Hey, I’m lucky if I can balance enough to lift one leg up and fix my shoe without tipping over. Not to mention there a re physical limitations many women, and men, have due to illness, back problems, pregnancy, etc. It’s why I teach only seven basic sexual positions every woman should know in my book, The Latina Kama Sutra. Explore the position which give you the most thrill and the best orgasm at the time whether it’s having your lover behind you spooning into you like in Adorar or whether it’s you sinking into him, straddling his waist as he lays back and explores your body in La Diosa positon. Per perhaps you want to be la little more adventurous and allow him El Entrego letting him enter your body through another avenue that few explore. Or perhaps, it’s tasting him and having him taste you in return as you savor the pleasures of Del Corazon.

Sex is about pleasure, adventure and fulfillment. Expand your imagination and discover all the possibilities which lay awaiting your discovery. Evolve into the lover you’ve only dared to dream of late at night. Whispered your desires to your lover that he may soar in the heavens with you and hold you tightly when you return to earth. Life is about change, about evolution. If not now, when?